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The belly of a whale is cleaner than you'd think. It's the seashore on a wet day: a red beach with red clouds and red sand. And the voice of the whale is the voice of God.

God sings, "You were delicious."

"Spit me out." I'm on my knees, though my god cannot see inside itself to find my supplication satisfying. "I'm a wicked man. You don't want to devour wickedness, oh Lord. You'll be disgusted when you know you've devoured such a polluted thing."

"I will not," sings God.

"I've murdered a man."

"So have I."

"I've murdered a woman, too."

"So have I."

"She was pregnant."

God laughs. "The ship I sank held hundreds."

This calls for humility. I prostrate myself in the direction of God's mouth. "Oh Lord," I cry. "I can't compete with you. Truly you are a great tyrant, fearful and merciless. Had I only been given your bulk, oh Lord, I might have devoured whole ships as you have done."

God lurches. God rolls. God grumbles and coughs and hurls. I fly from his mouth in one heaving mess of kelp and plankton. "Your pretense is pathetic," sings God as I float away on a rolling wave. "Only fit for sharks."
I thought since I'm finished posting one novel and not yet ready to post the next, I'd show you all why I write long-form and should never be allowed near the short-story club.

This piece is my one and only official attempt at flash fiction. It was for a college writing course. We had to compose it in under ten minutes or so, and it had to be under a certain number of words. I don't recall all the specifics. I do recall that I had to read it aloud when it was finished. Har. Har. I think I got a lot of blank stares.

In my defense, it didn't come out of the blue completely. I'm pretty sure I had the Decemberists song "The Mariner's Revenge" stuck in my head, which would have reminded me of Jonah and the whale, which would have reminded me of Revelations 3:15-16, which goes something like this: "I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth."

I remember learning that verse as a child and finding it rather odd… because if you were in some huge mouth, wouldn't you want to be spit out? I would. The absurd train of thought I allowed myself in the minutes I was given to compose a flash fiction piece led to the story of a man who desperately wants to be spit out of what he believes is the mouth of his god, so he tries to convince a whale he's a bad person. In the end, it is only his insincere humility that frees him.

And in case you were wondering, yes, I am this strange.
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:iconlaurotica:
laurotica Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Strangeness and wonder in perfect harmony, this was a fun read that brought me out of a rainy-day-funk. Well done! :clap:
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:iconjuniorel:
juniorel Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
I'm so glad this piece made your day a little better. That's the best compliment ever, really. Thank you so much! :D
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:iconlaurotica:
laurotica Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
No problem! :)
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations and has been selected as our "Pick of the Day". It is featured in a news article here: [link] and on our main page.

Keep writing and keep creating.
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:iconjuniorel:
juniorel Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Oh, wow! :happybounce: Thank you so much.
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:iconyogateacher:
YogaTeacher Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Reading that first line, I just knew it would be great. You don't disappoint. How I would have loved to write that piece...

The religious irony and hilarity and just plain eccentricity makes me read this again and again. I think this is quite profoundly amusing, but also quite profound.

I'll figure out what I think of it soon enough, and then I'll tell you how brilliant it is.

This relates: [link]
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:iconjuniorel:
juniorel Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012   Writer
Ah, the video you linked isn't available in my country. But thanks very much for the comment! I'm glad you liked the piece.
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
well that was an unexpected read. Interesting as it kept me engaged.

nice work :)
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:iconjuniorel:
juniorel Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012   Writer
:lol: Thank you! I'm glad it surprised and entertained you.
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome :)
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:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012
Weird? No. Fabulous. :) It'd fit right in with Aesop's Fables.
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:iconjuniorel:
juniorel Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012   Writer
Ooh, do you really think so? That means a lot. Thank you!
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:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012
You're very welcome. <3
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:iconcerealnovels:
cerealnovels Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012
This was quite interesting, and I got the references. Very unusual take, got me to thinking, which is a good thing :)
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:iconjuniorel:
juniorel Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012   Writer
Thinking is always good… except when you're trying to sleep, or if you just need to zone out, but otherwise, mostly always good.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story! :D
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:iconmonstroooo:
monstroooo Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
What delightful silliness :) There's a nice (if bizarre) logic underpinning the whole thing. I enjoyed it very much :clap:
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:iconjuniorel:
juniorel Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012   Writer
Yay! Thank you so much. I'm so glad you enjoyed it! :D
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:icondoidare:
DoIDare Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012
I guess I'm weird too then, because this totally tickled my fancy. I liked it.
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:iconjuniorel:
juniorel Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012   Writer
Thanks! :dance: We should form a club.
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:icondoidare:
DoIDare Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012
Haha! I like that idea. =)
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:iconjanoera:
Janoera Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I think I am one of those classmates that would give a blank stare 0.o Its well written, but weird:shrug:
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:iconjuniorel:
juniorel Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012   Writer
:lol: Yeah, sometimes my level of weird goes off the deep end, particularly when I'm pressed for time.
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:iconsentienttree:
sentienttree Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Student Writer
Really liked this. :)
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:iconjuniorel:
juniorel Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012   Writer
Thanks! :D
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:iconsparrowdust:
SparrowDust Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I really love this! Great work! :D
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:iconjuniorel:
juniorel Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012   Writer
I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you.
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