BOOK ONE
I
I'm not who you think I am. That's the first thing you should know about me.
For example, I met Valentine on Valentine's Day, which is why I call him Valentine. It isn't because I'm some asshole making fun of a guy who could never get a girlfriend. I'd be the last person to make fun of a guy without a girlfriend; I've never had one in my life, nor do I want one, to be honest. I called the kid Valentine because, when I first met him, he refused to speak aloud, and I couldn't understand sign language. It was a simple matter of communicative difficulty. And could I help it if, even after we learned to communicate, he got attached to the name and insisted all his teachers use it? No. Not my fault. It's a good name, anyway. I don't know why everyone says I gave it to him out of spite.
So you see, not everything you've heard about me is true. I mean some of it is, in a twisted sort of way. I admit my social skills leave something to be desired, but I've always done my best to be friendly. I remember my first caseworker used to say, "You have to be a friend to have a friend." I get it, and I tried that. But here's the thing I learned about friends: they will destroy you. You know that tower of peace and solitude you built for yourself? You know the identity you carved out all on your own, with your own blood, sweat, and fierce cosmic questioning? They'll rip it to shreds in a heartbeat. I'm not kidding. They'll rip it to shreds and they'll spit on it and dance on it, and then they'll ask you to show them mercy when you finally snap. But don't you dare give in. The moment you do, I promise you, they'll gather all the leftover pieces of you into a pile and show you just how combustible you are.
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